


Struggles With Power

by romaneedsatoma



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, sora is like 16 and elsa is 21 Do Not, this is from elsa's pov technically, this isnt shipping do nNot take it as such please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 13:07:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romaneedsatoma/pseuds/romaneedsatoma
Summary: Even after learning control, Elsa still can't help but fear her power. As spring arrives and winter begins to fade, Elsa spends an afternoon in her ice palace, reflecting on this fear, when Sora stops by to talk.





	Struggles With Power

**Author's Note:**

> i havent actually played through all of arendelle yet so sorry if anything is blatantly wrong! i would usually wait but i needed to get this idea out asap and ive been real inspired lately so i just went off of the trend of the game so far and of the end of frozen hgjfkhj 
> 
> for reference, i tend to imagine that in rage form and antiform, sora isnt really aware of donald and goofy and so its possible that they could get hurt?? like he knows not to attack them but he just doesnt have the ability to care about casualties and friendly fire i guess!! its explained more in the fic i just wanted to say that this contains headcanoning about rage form

Queen Elsa stood on the balcony of her ice palace, looking down over Arendelle below. Springtime was coming soon; she knew from her calendar but also from the feeling of the world and of the air in Arendelle. The weather was warming, green shone more prominently through the fading snow, and the waters were no longer burdened by ice. Early spring was a time of renewal and a return to life. Early spring was a terrible time of year for Elsa.

Maybe it was too soon to judge that. This was only the first spring since her coronation, it could have just been her pessimistic and cautious mindset. But something told her that every year, she would feel this same deep rooted guilt. Pain at seeing the snow leave and guilt for missing it. It was a reminder of her eternal winter and the anguish her magic had caused. She had hurt and frightened so many people but she still felt angry and disappointed when she had to put her ice away. She had been shown that her powers were not all bad, not cloaked in darkness like she had feared, yet she still struggled with coming to terms with them. She had spent so much of her life fearing herself. She couldn’t overcome that overnight.

“Your Majesty?” A young voice called out from behind her, tone light and teasing, and she turned, hair and dress twisting with the swift movement. Sora took a step back, dropping his hands from behind his head. “Woah, sorry to startle you, it’s just me!”

“Sora.” Elsa dropped her hands as well- when had she thrown them up defensively?- and folded her hands tightly together. Sora didn’t seem frightened by the gesture but guilt still stabbed further into her. She had been so ready to use her powers to fight without even seeing the enemy. “What brings you to Arendelle? We didn’t expect you back so soon.”

“Oh, Donald and Goofy wanted to look for lucky emblems!” Sora laughed, reaching for something in his pocket then jerking his hand away like it was a hot iron. He mumbled something under his breath then shook his head. His hair bounced with the movement and she smiled, fondness warming her. He complained of the cold whenever he visited but never seemed to dress any warmer. Typical of a teen boy, she supposed. “I wanted to say hi so I stopped by but Anna said you were up here. I was worried something might’ve been wrong.”

“I still do not understand what lucky emblems are,” she said, a short laugh escaping her as she turned back to the view over her kingdom. Sora walked to stand next to her, his footsteps echoing around the open hall and down the silent staircases. They were entirely alone, Sora’s usual guardians missing, and Elsa’s posture relaxed in the peaceful quiet.

“Eh, that’s okay. I don’t think I understand them either, really. We just like looking for them in our downtime.” He laughed joyfully, the sound so much happier and freer than her own, and she sighed. “Is anything wrong? I thought you were supposed to stay in the castle.”

“This is a castle,” Elsa said, moving her gaze away from the landscape below to the side, farther from Sora’s eyes.

“You know what I mean, Elsa. The one down in Arendelle and not the isolated one. I can’t imagine anyone coming up here and not being upset.”

“Are _you_ upset? You’re up here too.”

“Maybe I am.” Sora’s voice became melancholic and she turned her eyes back to him, worry setting in her brow. The word melancholic never applied to Sora, he was all happiness and smiles. True to form, he laughed again and waved her off. “That’s not the point though! Why are you up here? You okay?”

Elsa sighed, unable to find a way to dodge his questions. His delicate mood was distressing regardless and so she let him shift the subject back to her. “Is it bad that I still doubt my powers? You’ve shown me that my powers are from light, with help from Anna and our friends. I know I shouldn't fear myself. And yet I do. The snow in Arendelle is melting and I’m both outraged and upset. I wish it was still eternal winter but I know I shouldn’t. My mind struggles to juggle so many emotions at once.”

“You always get so eloquent when you’re upset, you know that?”

The blunt response made her laugh- she couldn’t tell if she was amused or just startled- and from the corner of her eye she saw Sora beam. Regardless of the cause, her laugh was more open now and she knew they both could tell. Sora shuffled closer, rubbing her back, and she gave the teen a smile.

The _teen_. He was only a boy but he seemed so much wiser than her with a heaviness behind his eyes that one should only gain so much later in life. Being comforted by someone who was even younger than Anna should’ve felt wrong but Sora had so much experience in life she couldn’t feel poorly about it. He managed to be both childish and mature in spades.

“You know, Your Majesty-”

“You know you can call me Elsa, Sora,” she interrupted and he huffed.

“I know, I know! I just have enough respect to only do that half the time!” He leaned against the railing, arms crossing across his chest. She was sad to lose the comforting contact but it was easier to see him as a teenager now, moody pout and slouched posture clear evidence to the fact. “Now let me speak! It’s like I’m with Donald right now.”

Elsa shook her head, smile spread across her face, and she mimed zipping her lips shut. He snickered and continued.

“What I was saying was, I do understand. I mean, with being unsure about your powers even once you can control them.” His fingers swirled across the iced railing, tracing patterns and retracing them as he spoke. “You- you’ve seen me fight, haven’t you? You know about my powers that make me change, my forms.”

“I believe I’m familiar.” 

“Have you seen my rage form? Where I go shadowy and my eyes glow?”

Elsa frowned and shook her head. It sounded like something she would remember.

“Well, it’s like your powers in a way. See…” He trailed off, biting his lip. He was silent and as Elsa was about to ask him to speak, he violently shook his head. “This might mess with the order a bit but I think you need to hear it, so whatever.”

“The order?”

“See, I was once transformed into a Heartless. It wasn’t for long but it drew out the darkness within me a lot more.” It was as if he hadn’t even heard her question. Sora’s eyes lowered to where his fingers lay, stilled against the railing. He lifted his hand, rubbing his fingers as if to warm them up, and Elsa waited patiently for him to speak. “This darkness manifested in this new form, similar to my rage form. Antiform, we called it. I hardly remember what happens when I’m like that. It’s like going feral; I fight with my hands, I look like a Heartless, and I don’t care about my own health or the health of those around me. It’s a dangerous state to be in. I’ve almost really hurt people I really care about like that and I couldn’t control when I would turn into that form.”

Sora was still staring at his hand, running his finger along the tips of his nails. Elsa reached up and grabbed his hand, stilling the movement, and Sora looked up to give her a smile.

“I can control it now. My rage form isn’t easy to go into and I can’t pull myself out of it, but it isn’t as unpredictable as my antiform. But I’m still terrified of it sometimes. I only focus on fighting when I’m like that, and once I come out of it, I always worry that I’ve hurt someone. What if I come out of it someday and Donald or Goofy are injured because of me? Or what if I just can’t pull myself out of it?”

He lowered his hands but grabbed tightly onto Elsa, holding their hands together between their chests. His eyes were still locked onto hers and she could see the determination dancing in them.

“Sometimes, I wonder if I even want to get out of it. Fighting is easier when you don’t have the capacity to care, when all you can focus on is winning. Maybe it’d be easier and we’d be more successful if I was always like that, you know? But then I remember that my ability to fight isn’t what makes me successful! It’s me, my connection with my friends, my determination to stay with the light!”

He had seen too much for his age, she couldn’t doubt that. The way he spoke sometimes was of a war-weary soldier and she couldn’t help but wonder about the things Donald and Goofy wouldn’t let him speak of. Of his past. Where else they fought the Heartless. Why they began in the first place. But the light was still clear in his every word and movement. His determination to push forward and his cheerful demeanor. How he seemed to make a friend of everyone he met. His childlike inability to lose hope.

Usually, she would consider childlike to be an insult, but with Sora, it felt like a trait that most adults were suffering to have lost.

“When I helped you, it reminded me that I still have control. That we both still have control. We’re the makers of our own lives and we use our powers. Our powers don’t use us.” He began to beam and she couldn’t help but return the expression. “So whenever you doubt yourself, think of that, okay? We use our powers, they don’t use us.”

“They don’t use us,” she agreed, squeezing his hand. He startled, pulled out of his speech by the simple action, and he looked down at their hands. He let go quickly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I kinda said a lot there, sorry, but I hope you understand. Even when you doubt yourself, you’re still able to stay with the light. You’re with the light so your powers are too. You’re strong. You can do anything. All that.” Sora waved his hands then shook his head to clear it. She chuckled, nodding and watching him shake off his burst of emotions. She placed her hand on his shoulder, dragging him back to reality, and he stood up straight. “Yeah?”

“You said you stopped by to say hi, correct? Do you want to come to dinner with Anna, Kristoff and I? We would always love the company.”

Sora’s expression light up at the thought of food- it usually did- and he nodded. “I’d love to, the trek up here was exhausting! Ah, as long as Donald and Goofy can come too. They’d kill me if I went to a royal dinner without inviting them.”

Elsa smiled, letting go of his shoulder and leading the way out of the castle. “Of course. It would be heresy to not invite all three of Arendelle’s heroes.”

Sora laughed, walking after with a bounce in his step. “Hey, make that four. You’re a hero too, _Your Majesty_.”

Her smile grew. “Thank you, Sora. I’d be glad to agree.”


End file.
